Your day is just a little bit worse.
Tweet tweet, motherfucker.
Why do its long purple tendrils reach to the sky even as it sits nestled in the dark in a wooden bowl obtained from a $1 pile at a stoop sale?
I’m sure they’re really very nice people when they’re not “in character.” And, that’s not to say that there’s anything “wrong” with being “in character.” I didn’t say that, Chantal…
That would show everyone–everyone who ever said I would never amount to anything.
He died doing what he loved: drinking sparkling water.
Sometimes, I just act like such a weird person.
We want your dining experience to be elegant and tasteful, like being pushed down a flight of rusty metal steps while trapped inside an industrial-design sarcophagus.
I don’t like that I have six, scraggly little legs. They are too scraggly for my taste and I still haven’t figured out what to use the middle ones for.
I put a sign on it just in case.