Your day is just a little bit worse.
Tag: weird
A Note from the Bird Outside Your Window
Tweet tweet, motherfucker.
I Insist On Drawing Lessons From An Unattended Sweet Potato
Why do its long purple tendrils reach to the sky even as it sits nestled in the dark in a wooden bowl obtained from a $1 pile at a stoop sale?
Sorry, Chantal, But Your Theatre Friends Make Me Super Uncomfortable
I’m sure they’re really very nice people when they’re not “in character.” And, that’s not to say that there’s anything “wrong” with being “in character.” I didn’t say that, Chantal…
Thoughts on Finding a Seven-Foot-Tall Giant Plush Hansa Giraffe in the Mastermind Toys Online Catalogue
That would show everyone–everyone who ever said I would never amount to anything.
Eulogies for Millennials: They’re Killin’ It!
He died doing what he loved: drinking sparkling water.
You Know That Song, “Sweet but Psycho,” That’s Me
Sometimes, I just act like such a weird person.
Fine Dining Menu: CACOPHONY
We want your dining experience to be elegant and tasteful, like being pushed down a flight of rusty metal steps while trapped inside an industrial-design sarcophagus.
Well, I’ve Been Reincarnated As a Fly Again
I don’t like that I have six, scraggly little legs. They are too scraggly for my taste and I still haven’t figured out what to use the middle ones for.
I’m Hosting Parties at my House Again, Here is What’s Off Limits
I put a sign on it just in case.