4. Position the turkey in the center, slightly to the left.
Sales tax holiday weekend came, and now we’re staring down a God damn Everest of tampons stockpiled in our living rooms.
Remember, no matter what anybody says, there is a higher power up there–or down there if DC is to your south.
Do you feel your friends judging you when your Senator acts out, and you’re tired of having to explain that they were like that before you got them?