The rumors that we plan to slaughter every townsperson who doesn’t fit into a narrow cookie-cutter mold are simply not true. While Hollyville Falls has been accused of being as straight and white as an orthodontist’s wet dream, we have a place for ALL types, from tall, gorgeous white people to average-height, gorgeous white people—even beautiful blondes.
The journey through it is endless and it takes everything in you just to survive.
11:15 a.m.: Check on reindeer at corral. Make sure no one’s picking on Prancer and that Rudolph is in the games and not ignored again.
For Christmas, may I have the name of your PR guy?
Admittedly a single woman probably doesn’t need her own yacht; I ought to have asked to charter someone else’s vessel instead.
Michael Buble, Wham, and that Josh Groban asshole can all suck it. I am ride or die for Mariah Motherfucking Carey.