It’s hard out here for a lotion bottle.
Think about it. Have you ever seen a kid try to eat an oil rig?
12. The first 14 seconds of a shower…before the thoughts start happening.
Time your breathing with the completely normal flickering of your ceiling fan light. Gently forget that you don’t have a ceiling fan.
Around these corridors we’ve got a saying, and I want you all to repeat after me: It Is ALWAYS Better To Kill Baby Hitler.
Where are you from? No, where are you *really* from – Ohio?
5. Irish Andy. Not Irish. Thinks role-playing is just doing an Irish accent.
You may be wondering, “How is that tiny fucking bird so fucking loud and so fucking early every goddamn morning?”
Dishwasher: There’s nothing worse than dirty cement that you can’t eat off.
Evil lurks in every corner.