I know how I would like to be remembered, and it’s for more than my sex appeal. It’s as a symbol of political resistance, not a butt.
Mark yourself a Maybe. You don’t want to come off as desperate.
Michael Buble, Wham, and that Josh Groban asshole can all suck it. I am ride or die for Mariah Motherfucking Carey.
I am there for all of your meltdowns, but will you be there for mine?
She’ll never notice! Probably.
This bike, like my life, is a glistening, upper-middle-class prison.
Suddenly we are “old” and “embarrassing” and “exploiting the indigenous people of Ecuador.”
This ONE WEIRD TRICK Kept Me A Virgin Until Age 25
(Just to be clear, the “D” in question is in the cursive Disney font. You know the one.)
Since I just coughed twice, does that mean I have strep or swine flu or tuberculosis?