Tweet tweet, motherfucker.
Why I Didn’t Respond to Your Text
I didn’t want you to know I was still awake and checking my texts at 3 am.
I, Satan, Wish to Publicly Distance Myself From Mitch McConnell
What is this guy’s problem?
He’s Just Not That Into You Updated For 2020
If he used to make frequent trips to your Animal Crossing Island but now your villagers are all whispering to each other that you got “ghosted harder than Wisp himself,” he’s just not that into you.
Boo Radley’s Tips On a Fulfilling and Healthy Life in Perpetual Quarantine
My first decade of Long Term Quarantine & Social Distancing (LTQSD) was a mighty struggle, so I thought I’d drop off some helpful tips about what you can do today.
Mom, You Have Got to Try Kombucha
You’ll thank me later.
A Letter From the Committee to Soundproof Darcie Chambers’ Bedroom
Thank you in advance for your contribution.
I’m Your First Studio Apartment and I’m So Glad You’re Moving Out
I know you think we had something special. But to me, you’re just one in a long parade of twenty-somethings willing to blow half their meager salary to live in a glorified dorm room.
Slogans For Procrastinators
Apple: Think about thinking differently.
I’m the World’s Most Dangerous Soupeteur
And my minestrone smells like vengeance.