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Satire by Brandy GonzalezDec 22, 20216:00 amFebruary 28, 2022
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Dear Straight Women, I’m that Flannel Shirt You’re Thinking About Buying and I’m Here to Tell You that I’m not Interested

Remove me from your Amazon “fall buys” list. I don’t know what else to do but to tell you: Straight women, I’m not interested.

Lists by Allie RubinDec 21, 20216:00 amFebruary 28, 2022
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Numbers, Ranked

80. Man, you can’t beat 80. Eighty is like a tall, refreshing glass of lemonade on a hot day. We love the curves on this guy and we bet you do, too. Buckle up, readers: eighty is our number one number!

Satire by Emma KantorDec 17, 20216:30 amDecember 21, 2021
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I’m a Swan, But I Don’t Do Monogamy

I saw you gliding across the pond and I said to myself, “That’s the most beautiful swan I’ve ever seen.” I’d like to get to know you. What do you say?

Weird by Ellie TiemensDec 9, 20217:00 amDecember 21, 2021
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FOUR EFFECTIVE TIPS FOR KILLING YOUR HOUSEPLANTS

Photo by Liza Summer from Pexels Keeping your plants alive and healthy sounds complicated. And, actually, it is. If you’re anything like me, you’ve completely given up on trying to maintain a healthy houseplant. So instead, today I’m […]

Satire by Chris Eno McMahonNov 29, 20217:30 amNovember 28, 2021
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Photo by picjumbo.com from Pexels

How to Survive the Carnage in Hallmark’s Christmas Village

The rumors that we plan to slaughter every townsperson who doesn’t fit into a narrow cookie-cutter mold are simply not true. While Hollyville Falls has been accused of being as straight and white as an orthodontist’s wet dream, we have a place for ALL types, from tall, gorgeous white people to average-height, gorgeous white people—even beautiful blondes.

Satire by Beth KanterSep 20, 20216:00 amSeptember 19, 2021
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Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Goodnight Gen-Xer: A Bedtime Story for the Generation That Tucked Themselves In At Night

In a twice-mortgaged townhome’s main bedroom there was a landline

Weird by Seth MillerSep 10, 20216:00 amSeptember 10, 2021
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Photo by Jean Alves from Pexels

How to tell if you have a horse infestation… and what to do about it!

It’s that time of year again – thousands of mares and stallions are escaping their ranches run by tyrannical rodeo operators, and now they’re looking for homes.

Satire by Scarlet MeyerSep 8, 20216:30 amSeptember 8, 2021
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Photo by Matthis Volquardsen from Pexels

Welcome to the NYC Landlords Alliance!

This prestigious organization was created in 1897 by our founder Admiral Finbar McGlinchy when he was rejected by the Freemasons because they didn’t accept (quote), “new money weirdos”.

Satire by Katherine ShawAug 27, 20216:00 amDecember 21, 2021
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Image by SHVETS production via Pexels

Erotic Dreams I’ve Had, Unfortunately, About Ted Cruz

“So, why do you really hate Planned Parenthood?” I therapeutically ask Ted.

Weird by Munro GascoigneAug 23, 20216:30 amAugust 23, 2021
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Image by Mario Orlova via Pexels

Guestbook Entries From A Hotel That Definitely Has A Man In The Walls

Loved our stay. Nice place. Fridge comes fully stocked. There’s a man in the walls.

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