Guideline #4: There is no such thing as “self.”

Guideline #4: There is no such thing as “self.”
Take this fun quiz to find out!
That would show everyone–everyone who ever said I would never amount to anything.
Come on, I just need you to play the jingle and then I can die!
“Well look who it is, little non-believer Ricky Gervais.”
Welcome to the year 2119, intrepid time traveler!
He died doing what he loved: drinking sparkling water.
Sometimes, I just act like such a weird person.
We want your dining experience to be elegant and tasteful, like being pushed down a flight of rusty metal steps while trapped inside an industrial-design sarcophagus.
I don’t like that I have six, scraggly little legs. They are too scraggly for my taste and I still haven’t figured out what to use the middle ones for.