Category: Satire

I Am the Woman From the Peloton Ad. My Pedals Are Fueled By Rage.

This bike, like my life, is a glistening, upper-middle-class prison.

Suddenly we are “old” and “embarrassing” and “exploiting the indigenous people of Ecuador.”

(Just to be clear, the “D” in question is in the cursive Disney font. You know the one.)

Since I just coughed twice, does that mean I have strep or swine flu or tuberculosis?

It has ravaged communities from bougie neighborhoods in California to bougie neighborhoods in New York.

Welcome to the year 2119, intrepid time traveler!

And remember, no matter what, don’t get mad at the cat. If you get mad she’ll get mad, and honestly even though she’s small, kittens are MEAN.

Must be able to lift and carry a Christmas tree on your shoulder with your right hand, while holding my hand with your left hand.

He died doing what he loved: drinking sparkling water.

Who You Are: A young, nubile lone wolf who’s capable of working in a team.

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