Time your breathing with the completely normal flickering of your ceiling fan light. Gently forget that you don’t have a ceiling fan.
Around these corridors we’ve got a saying, and I want you all to repeat after me: It Is ALWAYS Better To Kill Baby Hitler.
Where are you from? No, where are you *really* from – Ohio?
You may be wondering, “How is that tiny fucking bird so fucking loud and so fucking early every goddamn morning?”
It’s time I take my talents to a place I can more easily pretend to be happy.
Don’t let anyone tell you there is no such thing as an overnight success!
I once made a vegan turducken, so I felt up to the challenge.
Brew a cup just to do something with your hands!
When you first come in, she might hide under the bed because she’s not used to strangers, but she’ll warm-up and be ramming your feet in no time.