Time your breathing with the completely normal flickering of your ceiling fan light. Gently forget that you don’t have a ceiling fan.
Category: Satire
Time-Traveling Baby Killers
Around these corridors we’ve got a saying, and I want you all to repeat after me: It Is ALWAYS Better To Kill Baby Hitler.
If White People Were Subjected to Microaggressions
Where are you from? No, where are you *really* from – Ohio?
I Am The Bird Living In Your Windowsill And I’m Here to Tell You It’s Spring, Bitches
You may be wondering, “How is that tiny fucking bird so fucking loud and so fucking early every goddamn morning?”
New York Improviser Leaves the City to be Depressed in a Sunnier Place
It’s time I take my talents to a place I can more easily pretend to be happy.
Woman Lands Dream Job Where All Her Teeth Fall Out
Don’t let anyone tell you there is no such thing as an overnight success!
Boy Am I Glad You Taught Me So Much About Dog Etiquette While I Was Getting My Mail
My mistake.
A Review of the Veganomicon, The John Dee Translation
I once made a vegan turducken, so I felt up to the challenge.
Sleepytime Tea FAQs
Brew a cup just to do something with your hands!
An Essential Care Guide for Our Most Beloved Family Member: Our Roomba
When you first come in, she might hide under the bed because she’s not used to strangers, but she’ll warm-up and be ramming your feet in no time.