Remove me from your Amazon “fall buys” list. I don’t know what else to do but to tell you: Straight women, I’m not interested.
Category: Satire
I’m a Swan, But I Don’t Do Monogamy
I saw you gliding across the pond and I said to myself, “That’s the most beautiful swan I’ve ever seen.” I’d like to get to know you. What do you say?
How to Survive the Carnage in Hallmark’s Christmas Village
The rumors that we plan to slaughter every townsperson who doesn’t fit into a narrow cookie-cutter mold are simply not true. While Hollyville Falls has been accused of being as straight and white as an orthodontist’s wet dream, we have a place for ALL types, from tall, gorgeous white people to average-height, gorgeous white people—even beautiful blondes.
Goodnight Gen-Xer: A Bedtime Story for the Generation That Tucked Themselves In At Night
In a twice-mortgaged townhome’s main bedroom there was a landline
Welcome to the NYC Landlords Alliance!
This prestigious organization was created in 1897 by our founder Admiral Finbar McGlinchy when he was rejected by the Freemasons because they didn’t accept (quote), “new money weirdos”.
Erotic Dreams I’ve Had, Unfortunately, About Ted Cruz
“So, why do you really hate Planned Parenthood?” I therapeutically ask Ted.
Strategies for Leading Through Adversity, Assuming You are Barachiel, The Angel of Blessings
It’s normal to feel stress when confronting uncertain situations. This is no less true for celestial beings who are used to delivering God’s blessings while signaling their presence in a swirl of rose petals.
I Am a Modern, Progressive Guy, and No One Crushes Toxic Masculinity More Than I
With all this talk about toxic masculinity, I want to make it clear that I’m nothing like those guys. I’m a woke, sophisticated dude, and I crush toxic masculinity with my lavender-moisturized hands.
4 Behavioral Insights To Help You Ace That Serious Clown Interview
Identified for my core competency, I was placed at the bottom of a human pyramid.
An Open Letter to My Dog About His Cancelled Birthday Party
I know you are missing all your friends like Taco, Sasha Fierce, and Fluffy, but it’s just not safe right now, okay?