The rumors that we plan to slaughter every townsperson who doesn’t fit into a narrow cookie-cutter mold are simply not true. While Hollyville Falls has been accused of being as straight and white as an orthodontist’s wet dream, we have a place for ALL types, from tall, gorgeous white people to average-height, gorgeous white people—even beautiful blondes.
In a twice-mortgaged townhome’s main bedroom there was a landline
This prestigious organization was created in 1897 by our founder Admiral Finbar McGlinchy when he was rejected by the Freemasons because they didn’t accept (quote), “new money weirdos”.
“So, why do you really hate Planned Parenthood?” I therapeutically ask Ted.
It’s normal to feel stress when confronting uncertain situations. This is no less true for celestial beings who are used to delivering God’s blessings while signaling their presence in a swirl of rose petals.
With all this talk about toxic masculinity, I want to make it clear that I’m nothing like those guys. I’m a woke, sophisticated dude, and I crush toxic masculinity with my lavender-moisturized hands.
Identified for my core competency, I was placed at the bottom of a human pyramid.
I know you are missing all your friends like Taco, Sasha Fierce, and Fluffy, but it’s just not safe right now, okay?
If an overconfident pop star’s obsessive focus on a teenage girl can produce a Golden Globe-nominated vehicle, then who’s to say I can’t do the same?
It’s hard out here for a lotion bottle.