Identified for my core competency, I was placed at the bottom of a human pyramid.
I know you are missing all your friends like Taco, Sasha Fierce, and Fluffy, but it’s just not safe right now, okay?
If an overconfident pop star’s obsessive focus on a teenage girl can produce a Golden Globe-nominated vehicle, then who’s to say I can’t do the same?
It’s hard out here for a lotion bottle.
Think about it. Have you ever seen a kid try to eat an oil rig?
Time your breathing with the completely normal flickering of your ceiling fan light. Gently forget that you don’t have a ceiling fan.
Around these corridors we’ve got a saying, and I want you all to repeat after me: It Is ALWAYS Better To Kill Baby Hitler.
Where are you from? No, where are you *really* from – Ohio?
You may be wondering, “How is that tiny fucking bird so fucking loud and so fucking early every goddamn morning?”
It’s time I take my talents to a place I can more easily pretend to be happy.