Category: Personal

Tips for Amusing Yourself, a “Creative” with Few Artistic Outlets, During Month 14 of Your Quarantine-Marriage

You just need to think outside the box.

I know you are missing all your friends like Taco, Sasha Fierce, and Fluffy, but it’s just not safe right now, okay?

Delude yourself into thinking that fat-shaming is a sign of love. They mean well?

Odds are engineered based on information heard through the thin walls and air vents of my unit during the previous night’s argument.

Tweet tweet, motherfucker.

I didn’t want you to know I was still awake and checking my texts at 3 am.

When I kiss my son goodnight and wish him sweet dreams, he’ll respond “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker!”

I am keeping this thing alive! I’m a genius! I should be given some sort of humanitarian prize!

Is there any living, breathing human that actually ENJOYS these sites?

I helped my father install crown-molding in our dining room.

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