Remove me from your Amazon “fall buys” list. I don’t know what else to do but to tell you: Straight women, I’m not interested.
Category: Parodies
How to Survive the Carnage in Hallmark’s Christmas Village
The rumors that we plan to slaughter every townsperson who doesn’t fit into a narrow cookie-cutter mold are simply not true. While Hollyville Falls has been accused of being as straight and white as an orthodontist’s wet dream, we have a place for ALL types, from tall, gorgeous white people to average-height, gorgeous white people—even beautiful blondes.
Goodnight Gen-Xer: A Bedtime Story for the Generation That Tucked Themselves In At Night
In a twice-mortgaged townhome’s main bedroom there was a landline
Erotic Dreams I’ve Had, Unfortunately, About Ted Cruz
“So, why do you really hate Planned Parenthood?” I therapeutically ask Ted.
Guestbook Entries From A Hotel That Definitely Has A Man In The Walls
Loved our stay. Nice place. Fridge comes fully stocked. There’s a man in the walls.
I’m the Inventor of the Atomic Beam Flashlight and My Infomercial Is Not a Joke
How many flashlights have you lost due to the deathly wheels of a firetruck? Answer me that.
He’s Just Not That Into You Updated For 2020
If he used to make frequent trips to your Animal Crossing Island but now your villagers are all whispering to each other that you got “ghosted harder than Wisp himself,” he’s just not that into you.
The Boxed Wine of Amontillado
A tale of marriage, conflict, and boxed wine.