Alternative Uses for Your Liquid Concealer Now That Your Under-Eye Circles Have Chosen Permanent Visibility and You Do Not Care

Painting tasteful semi-abstract nudes

Painting non-tasteful anatomically detailed nudes

Latte swirls (check for poisonous ingredients first)

Throwing it in the trash because beauty standards are oppressive and there’s no need to even keep these products in the house anymore and your eyes are beautiful just the way they are!

Pulling it out of the trash because it did cost $27

Sponge-painting “These undereye circles are genetic and it does not matter how much sleep I get or how much makeup I wear, so I will no longer be attempting to conceal them” on a sandwich board and wearing it around town 

Tapping the wand on your blush mirror rhythmically as a gentle percussion accompaniment to the beat of a favorite pop song 

Gently graffiting a bathroom wall 

Learning how to twirl a tiny baton and starting up a tiny marching band

Highlighting book passages but in a really low-key, non-fluorescent way

Slowly spackling on the creamy camouflage layer by layer over every square inch of your body and watching your silhouette disappear into the ether until your entire being is concealed and invisible, freeing you from all personal and professional obligations forever, at last giving you the peace you desperately seek

Covering acne