Painting tasteful semi-abstract nudes
Painting non-tasteful anatomically detailed nudes
Latte swirls (check for poisonous ingredients first)
Throwing it in the trash because beauty standards are oppressive and there’s no need to even keep these products in the house anymore and your eyes are beautiful just the way they are!
Pulling it out of the trash because it did cost $27
Sponge-painting “These undereye circles are genetic and it does not matter how much sleep I get or how much makeup I wear, so I will no longer be attempting to conceal them” on a sandwich board and wearing it around town
Tapping the wand on your blush mirror rhythmically as a gentle percussion accompaniment to the beat of a favorite pop song
Gently graffiting a bathroom wall
Learning how to twirl a tiny baton and starting up a tiny marching band
Highlighting book passages but in a really low-key, non-fluorescent way
Slowly spackling on the creamy camouflage layer by layer over every square inch of your body and watching your silhouette disappear into the ether until your entire being is concealed and invisible, freeing you from all personal and professional obligations forever, at last giving you the peace you desperately seek
Covering acne