Hot Pickup Lines from Dead Philosophers

God is dead, and so is this bar. Wanna get outta here? – Friedrich Nietzsche

The life of man is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. So if you’re into that sort of thing, here’s my number. – Thomas Hobbes

In a head-on clash between violence and power, the outcome is hardly in doubt. We both win, daddy. – Hannah Arendt

Liberty consists in doing what one desires. So do me. – John Stuart Mill

He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. Is this guy bothering you? – Lao Tzu

It is a conceded fact that woman is being reared as a sex commodity, and yet she is kept in absolute ignorance of the meaning and importance of sex. Here, let me fix that for you. – Emma Goldman

Deconstruction never had any meaning or interest, at least in my eyes, except for the part where we take our clothes off. – Jacques Derrida

Nothing is harder to understand than a symbolic work. Check out the one in my pants. – Albert Camus

I’m not sure why we’re here, but I’m certain it’s not to enjoy ourselves. So can you please just, like, get coffee with me, David? – Ludwig Wittgenstein

The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. And I’m very difficult. – Epictetus

I think, therefore I am better than 99% of men. Would you like to listen to my podcast? – René Descartes

Those who desire to be men in truth must constantly endeavor to reduce the wants of the body. Got any of those I can reduce for you? – Maimonides

For what is modesty but hypocritical humility, by means of which, in a world swelling with vile envy, a man seeks to beg pardon for his excellences? So yeah, I’m very good in bed. – Arthur Schopenhauer

Let’s seize each other’s means of production. – Karl Marx

It belongs to the imperfection of everything human that man can only attain his desire by passing through its opposite, which is why you should sleep with me even though I repulse you. – Søren Kierkegaard

Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness. Ditch the masturbation, fuck me instead.  —Simone de Beauvoir

Sup? – Ayn Rand