God is dead, and so is this bar. Wanna get outta here? – Friedrich Nietzsche
The life of man is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. So if you’re into that sort of thing, here’s my number. – Thomas Hobbes
In a head-on clash between violence and power, the outcome is hardly in doubt. We both win, daddy. – Hannah Arendt
Liberty consists in doing what one desires. So do me. – John Stuart Mill
He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. Is this guy bothering you? – Lao Tzu
It is a conceded fact that woman is being reared as a sex commodity, and yet she is kept in absolute ignorance of the meaning and importance of sex. Here, let me fix that for you. – Emma Goldman
Deconstruction never had any meaning or interest, at least in my eyes, except for the part where we take our clothes off. – Jacques Derrida
Nothing is harder to understand than a symbolic work. Check out the one in my pants. – Albert Camus
I’m not sure why we’re here, but I’m certain it’s not to enjoy ourselves. So can you please just, like, get coffee with me, David? – Ludwig Wittgenstein
The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. And I’m very difficult. – Epictetus
I think, therefore I am better than 99% of men. Would you like to listen to my podcast? – René Descartes
Those who desire to be men in truth must constantly endeavor to reduce the wants of the body. Got any of those I can reduce for you? – Maimonides
For what is modesty but hypocritical humility, by means of which, in a world swelling with vile envy, a man seeks to beg pardon for his excellences? So yeah, I’m very good in bed. – Arthur Schopenhauer
Let’s seize each other’s means of production. – Karl Marx
It belongs to the imperfection of everything human that man can only attain his desire by passing through its opposite, which is why you should sleep with me even though I repulse you. – Søren Kierkegaard
Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness. Ditch the masturbation, fuck me instead. —Simone de Beauvoir
Sup? – Ayn Rand