If White People Were Subjected to Microaggressions

  1. Where are you from? No, where are you really from – Ohio?
  2. I really enjoy “spotted dick.” We have it every Christmas.
  3. Your baby’s so cute! She has so much melanin; she hardly looks Caucasian at all.
  4. You’re so well-read for a White person.
  5. Are you sure you’re Italian? You look German to me. 
  6. It’s ok, I can use “Cracker” because my best friend is White.
  7. You know, I tried making tuna noodle casserole once, but it was so bland. 
  8. I can never tell how old Caucasians are. 
  9. Who starred in Fugitive again? Tommy Lee Jones or Jack Nicholson? You all look the same to me lol.
  10. “Ich bin ein Berliner!”
  11.  My nanny growing up was White. She taught me how to cook with Mayo.
  12. Your son is so good at woodworking, but that’s to be expected I guess. 
  13. Why, this potato salad isn’t tasteless at all!
  14. I think you have a perfectly fine work ethic. 
  15. I’m making sauerkraut for the BBQ just for you!
  16. My parents would’ve voted for Reagan a third time.
  17. I’m so jealous of your flat hair. Can I touch it?
  18. Considering you’re from New England, you’re not cold or judgmental at all.
  19. I talked to my Bubbe and she wants you to know that she’s forgiven you for the Holocaust.
  20. Congrats on the promotion! Guess they were looking for someone with family connections.
  21. Eminem is my favorite rapper.
  22. You’re so nice for a “Karen.”