Quiz: Mordor Or Retail At Christmas?

How do you feel entering this space?
A. The journey through it is endless and it takes everything in you just to survive.
B. You feel as if everyone is watching you, waiting for you to slip up all while demanding you smile and tell them to have a nice day.
C. You know in your heart people have died here, and you may soon join them.

What do you eat on a normal day?
A. There is hardly anything to eat but the crumbs off of your friends’ jacket.
B. The blood and entrails of those who have entered here and been lost.
C. It’s eat or be eaten here, so someone else’s burrito they were saving for second breakfast.

What are the people like where you are?
A. You can’t complain, the orcs and trolls will recognize your weakness and attack.
B. Everyone you come into contact with is after something and will rip you from shred to shred if you dare get between them and the ring or a PS5.
C. An oppressive overlord follows your every move. Nothing you do will satisfy their blood lust. They are possessed, and don’t care how many lives or family get-togethers they have to destroy to get what they want.

How do you go about an average day?
A. Your work is never done and even death is not a reprieve, you are born again and put to work as a soulless, heartless orc, at the mercy of a vengeful demon king, named Todd.
B. Everywhere you go you hear wailing and the grinding of the teeth. People with blood in their eyes cry out for more, more, more until you’re forced to skip your 15 minute break.
C. You try to make new friends but the white elephant gift exchange ends with disappointment or being fed to a giant spider.

How would you describe your feelings when you get out of here?
A. Even when you leave there is no escape. When you close your eyes you hear banshee shrieks, the violent cries of prisoners, and the Hillary Duff Christmas album.
B. By the time you leave the skies are dark and full of ash, you can’t see friends or family anymore and must isolate in your room or in The Undying Lands.
C. You’re covered in dirt and ash. When you’re finally cleaned up your friends come to visit but you’re too exhausted to even get out of bed.

What is the atmosphere like?
A. This cruelty is a part of a ritualistic religion, a sacrifice to the higher above in the form of destruction, oppression, and glutinous consumption.
B. Lifeless creatures marching to work and preparing for war. They’re not sure why they’re here but have no choice but to give in to the madness, kill or be killed, and maybe reward themselves with an Auntie Anne’s pretzel.
C. An endless smell of decay and Bath and Body works lotions.

Mostly A’s: Could be either one

Mostly B’s: Could you be more specific?

Mostly C’s: Unfortunately this quiz can tell you nothing because they are the same place. You are in a hellish, evil place dreamed up by a man named John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, but hopefully things will calm down when the ring is destroyed or they cut your hours in January.

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