MLMs and Mompreneurs: A Half-Baked Recipe

We sell temporary tattoos. But we really enable lasting financial freedom.

Every day, hundreds of women just like you join our family of like-minded mompreneurs, to reach the luxurious life they deserve. Our recipe for financial freedom is simple and guaranteed to work. Every time.* 


$1,000 in essential oil-infused temporary tattoos (a $70,000 value!)
2 pounds butter 
3 dozen friendship eggs (to fuel your financial empire!)
1 pan each Facebook and Instagram
1 cup fake friendliness sugar
Company promotional anecdotes and photos to taste


  1. Borrow $1,000 from your grandmother to purchase our one-of-a-kind temporary tattoo ingredients.
  2. Butter up all of your connections on the Facebook and Instagram pans–especially the ones you haven’t spoken to in years.
  3. Add temporary tattoos to a large mixing bowl. Break a dozen friendship eggs and mix into your MLM business. Use up all of the goodwill inside the eggs to inject your batter with a few early purchases.
  4. Spread evenly across social media pans. Wait for your dough to increase.
  5. If it doesn’t rise as expected, don’t worry! Pay us another $300 for our sure-fire “how to maximize your dough” training.
  6. Punch down your dough and take it to your grandmother’s BBQ. Spend the entire time demonstrating how her friends can increase your dough. Don’t let anyone leave until two people agree to host a party.  
  7. Email, call, and text message everyone you know until a dozen friendship eggs spontaneously explode. Fold into the batter. Make two sales.
  8. Your dough might begin to ferment, giving off a sour odor to your friends. But we have your back! Sell your car and send us another $1500 for ingredients to spice up your mix!  
  9. Sprinkle company-staged anecdotes across your Facebook feed. Our essential oil tattoos help people to lose weight, find love, and cure cancer! 
  10. Toss out a third of your batter–it’s spent. Those early purchasers really weren’t your friends anyway.
  11. Time to add the sugar. Convince your neighbor, your aunt, and your favorite barista to become temporary tattoo consultants. Now you’re rolling in some dough! Not enough to cover the cost of those spices, but your investment is really working out! For us!
  12. Break a dozen friendship eggs. Your children are eating roadkill and burning effigies of you in the backyard, but they’ll forgive you when you win that company trip to Disneyland. Turn 40 more of your friends into consultants and that trip is yours! Promise!
  13. Bake in the 450-degree oven of your increasingly desperate pleas for someone, anyone, to buy your tattoos. If no one returns your phone calls, you’re done. 
  14. Remove from the oven.

Recipe Notes

As the air touches the mess you’ve made, it implodes into a fine ash. You have no money, no friends, and no personal possessions. Congratulations, you have achieved freedom from your finances!!

Nutrition Facts

400 grams Fat – 0 grams Fiber –  700 grams Fake Sugary Sweetness – 0 grams Value to the Human Race

*And if it doesn’t work, try again. You didn’t follow the recipe closely enough! Temporary Tattoos MLM accepts no responsibility for the loss of friends, money, or self-respect. We will, of course, continue to accept cash. Yacht dock fees aren’t cheap!