For those of you just joining our sportsbook, the winner of the nightly argument in apartment 4L is the individual who forces their opponent to apologize first. Apologies accepted are: “I’m sorry,” “I understand your frustration and I promise to reconsider how I phrase things,” or “You’re right, let’s just drop it.” If no apology is given and instead a slamming door is heard, the bet is a push and you are welcome to carry over your wager to the following night.
Odds are engineered based on information heard through the thin walls and air vents of my unit during the previous night’s argument. Reminder: you can listen to the lively deliberations nightly on my Instagram Live, @TheCoupleIn4LBets.
KEYS TO THE MATCH:
• Dana is the favorite to win following last night’s exchange where we learned that Tom has still not registered to vote.
• Dana was heard making dinner, loading the dishwasher, and folding laundry last night. All provide strong leverage during tonight’s discussion.
• Tom needs the TV yet again tonight at 8:30 PM for a ‘Call Of Duty: Warzone’ tournament. Reminder: over the last 10 nightly discussions, we know that Tom has yet to clean the bathroom sink after shaving his quarantine beard. Let me reiterate — 10 nights…hair still in the sink.
• Keep an ear out for Dana’s co-worker Chad. According to what we can faintly make out through the yelling, Chad has frequently been Slack messaging Dana after work hours. Tom may try to use that to his advantage to get an admission out of Dana.
Dana has been in a good position for the last few weeks and is mostly on the attack. Dana’s rich vibrato applies pressure early and often on Tom. Dana was Summa Cum Laude during her final semester at UCLA, and is often heard saying, “I was first speaker debate club for 3 years during high school. I know what you’re trying to do here, Tom.” Tom has quickly apologized in the last 5 discussions with little to no hesitation. The only thing going against Dana is this Chad situation. She swears they are just venting to each other about their boss, but with the amount of giggling Dana has been doing, Chad is feeling a little uneasy about the two’s “professional relationship.”
Not much going right for Tom recently. Between the XBOX and his new obsession with the Showtime series, “Billions,” Tom hasn’t really taken his arguments with Dana seriously and has been quick to apologize. He has not shown any initiative to do the things Dana wants him to do to keep the relationship healthy, but will he finally exploit the Chad situation to his advantage?
Dana’s Odds: -825
Tom’s Odds: +1025
Over/Under Argument Length: 3 minutes
Alternative Spread: They empathize with each other and admit that they are both wrong: +300000
Prop Bet: Over/Under 6 times Tom says: “k babe”
Player Prop Bet: Over / Under 2 times Dana says: “Chad is literally just my co-worker, relax”
Alternative Outcome: Make-up Sex: +100000000001
Time: 8:37 PM ET
Weather: 86°F – Air Conditioning in the building is out.
Stream: Instagram Live
Our proprietary computer projection software simulated this argument over 10,000 times. This is the most likely outcome according to those simulations, and also my knowledge of their relationship.
DANA: Tom, would you mind making the bed?
TOM: In a few minutes honey.
DANA: You said that last night too and you never did.
TOM: Why does this need to be done right now?
DANA: You know Tom, I have kept this apartment from turning into a literal war zone all week. From cleaning your dirty dishes that you, “forget to wash,” to febreezing the bathroom when you, “forget to put the fan on,” you have been nothing but a thorn in my side.
Dana proceeds to shut the XBOX.
DANA: Damnit Tom.
Dana’s phone goes off. She has received a text. She lets out an audible “ha.”
TOM: Oh, is that Chad from the office?
DANA: No, it’s actually my parents. They sent me the cute birthday gift they got you.
TOM: Oh, I’m sorry.
Parlay Dana (-825) and the under 3 minutes.