Boo Radley’s Tips On a Fulfilling and Healthy Life in Perpetual Quarantine

Well hello there neighbor! By now I’m sure you’re realizing that “this quar” may go on a tad bit longer than you anticipated. I don’t mean to pry, but from my vantage point in the bushes, you sure do seem to be struggling. Boy, have I been there — my first decade of Long Term Quarantine & Social Distancing (LTQSD) was a mighty struggle, so I thought I’d drop off some helpful tips about what you can do today — so you don’t just survive the next 10 years, you thrive!

  • Exercise regularly. I try to do light calisthenics in my basement. When the weather is nice, I try to take a long socially distant walk. You know that slight raspy sound you hear by the fence? The one that made your son believe in ghosts last summer? It was just me doing some push ups with a mask on.

  • Let go of the past. I know you’ve had your share of family drama, but that was the before, and this is the Quar. The sooner you come to terms with your family’s history of hypertension, diabetes, and weak lungs, the sooner you’ll realize that all of those painful resentments ain’t even worth spitting on. I admit it, that this step took me many years, but I have finally forgiven my parents, and now we chat everyday — though I must disclose, it is easier to do so when you have your own backyard cemetery.

  • Try to keep a schedule. I personally divide my days into two parts, and the first half (daylight) I spend watching, waiting, and keeping up with current events. The second half (when the day people sleep), is when I do all my important tasks like surveilling the neighborhood, putting toys into forgotten tree hallows, etc. By creating a self imposed sequence of events, you won’t have to wonder what’s next — and that’s real helpful in that dark stretch of year 6 to 8, you know.

  • Give yourself a reason. You know, if I had a dime every time I have heard the neighbors discuss my “reclusement” from beneath the storm drain — I’d be a heck of a lot richer. But for all their talk of what I’m doing, nobody asks me why! Maybe you care about your family, maybe you care about the good of the country. Whatever the reason, that’s what’s going to sustain you on them long and hard days. My own personal disuse of society was an inevitability given my genetic disposition, and long running family history of horrors. But I continue it for reasons of my own choosing. I’ve also found that the stronger you root your reasons why, the easier it is not to give in to hopes of change.

Remember, don’t plan for today. Don’t plan for tomorrow. They’re long gone. Instead, plan for the next month, and then the next year. Because you realize that this isn’t just a quick flash in a pan, but rather a complete transformation of your life. So prepare yourself, cause June bug, we are in for the long haul.