The 5 Steamiest Ways to Break up with Your Boyfriend

Hey girl! Are you tired of hearing stories about how the gal ended it by sitting the guy down and calmly, gently telling him, “It just isn’t working?” Boring!! Am I right? Use this super steamy guide to tell your man he’s not the one for you and he ruined the last five years of your life!

1. “The Mid-Sex Breakup” – Get yourself the hottest lingerie you can find and get ready for a glorious night of passion with your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. When he’s getting close to finishing, look into his eyes and tell him hotly, “Steve, you don’t have a job and I hate you!”

2. “The Kinky Goodbye” – Strip your man completely naked and tie him to a chair. When he asks you when you’ll get naked too, tell him, “Soon.” Then tell him it’s over and spend the next four hours describing in detail everything he did wrong in the relationship including flirting with your cousin and forgetting to invite you to your own birthday party.

3. “The Educational Strip Tease” – Sit your man down on the bed and tell him you want to take off your clothing but it’s going to take some time. Remove each item of your clothing while reciting one reason why your relationship was doomed from the start like his brother is hotter than him and his dad was right; he shouldn’t have pursued the circus arts.

4. “The Spicy Threesome” – Tell your man you want to give him the time of his life and fulfill one of his biggest fantasies, a threesome. When he excitedly says he has lot of ideas for the third, tell him you’ve already chosen the perfect person. Once you are both in the bedroom and ready for a passionate night, bring in the third – your couples’ counselor! She will sit you both down, figure out where you went wrong and help you have a cathartic breakup with sexually charged undertones.

5. “The Public Encounter” – Lure your man to a public location and tell him you want to try something new. When he tries to kiss you, turn the moment into a public breakup and let him have it while everyone watches! Try to come up with lines like, “You don’t know what love is, Jeffrey, because you perform in life the way you do onstage. Do you ever FEEL anything??”

Breakups can be a really scary thing to initiate, but with these sexy movies your man will be so aroused he probably won’t even notice what’s happening. Happy dumping!