Alternate Uses For The Mountains of Tampons We Binged on Tax-Free Weekend

“(A) proposal to include feminine hygiene products during Tennessee’s sales tax holiday faces resistance from lawmakers…concerned about the lack of a limit on those purchases.

Some lawmakers believe (the) incentive might send the 1,820,292 women in Tennessee between the ages of 15 and 55 on a tampon-buying spree.” – Forbes, February 13, 2020

Oh. My. GOD, y’all. Sales tax holiday weekend came, and to Tampon Crazytown we went. It was an epic, three-day, feminine hygiene product free-for-all, and now we’re staring down a God damn Everest of tampons stockpiled in our living rooms. 

Our vaginas can only hold so many of these sweet, tax-exempt lil’ suckers at one time! Good thing they’re versatile, and with these alternatives, we’ll soon be back to our normal, fully-taxed-tampons way of life:


Wine bottle stoppers

Cat toys

Door stops

Decorative wreaths (need about 50-100)

Ice cubes (pre-soaked and frozen)

Christmas tree ornaments

Gift tags

Voodoo dolls

Protest sculptures (for the front lawns of our non-menstruating state senators – need thousands)