Thanks for choosing HubGrub. Please select your delivery preference below:
- “Eco-friendly” option: no utensils, no plastic bags, no napkins, no styrofoam, no plastic containers, no Jimmy Johns, no parchment paper, and no bleached toothpicks. Your food will instead be wrapped in a burlap bag tied with upcycled twine. We ask that you please reuse your burlap bag. Suggestions include: pet waste, a child’s Halloween costume, or farmhouse wedding.
- “I listen to too many true crime podcasts” option: your delivery driver will walk to your residence slowly, set your order outside WITH BOTH HANDS SHOWING, and leave the premises as quickly as possible. We will text you when your driver is out of sight, so you can grab your food and get back to repeatedly checking to make sure the door is locked.
- “Health conscious” option: we guarantee your food will not be transported with known allergens, such as gluten, berries, tomato, nightshades, soot, lactose, or anything that so much as looks like a bean. Your delivery driver will be a non-smoker, who has never seen a peanut or been in the presence of pet hair.
- “I miss my Mom’s cooking” option: we’ll package your food in stained Tupperware containers with mismatched lids. Your order will also include three copies of Town & Country magazine from last year, an extra jar of salsa that was on sale, and a sweater you wore in middle school that we think may still fit you. If you don’t like anything, you can just give to Goodwill.
- “On a diet” option: Can’t curb your craving for French fries? No worries! Your delivery driver will dispose of all fried foods and replace them with exactly two baby carrots. Got a sweet tooth? Desserts will be intercepted before reaching your door and instead replaced with an expired Nutri-Grain bar (apple cinnamon flavor only).
- “I’m alone” option: for an extra fee, your delivery driver will stay on the phone while you eat, sporadically prompting conversation with comments such as “In the rain?!”, or “Sheila? With all that hair?”, or “Tell me again about your mole.” The quality of this conversation (as with the Nutri-Grain bars) is not guaranteed.