Welcome to the year 2119, intrepid time traveler! I, Cornelius Electronicus VII will be your guide to this brave new world. You must be weary from your journey through the one hundred years of time that previously separated us. Never fear! You will have everything you seek here.
But first, I must ask one crucial question – what is your net worth? If you have greater than one million unified global credits in your digital wallet, you qualify for Global Life Premier™, the finest quality of life the United World of Americhussia has to offer. Otherwise you’ll fall into our Economy Standard™ lifestyle. If that’s the case, you must watch this space tourism ad (for a trip that you will be unable to afford) before we proceed with our conversation.
Oh, it really is a shame that you haven’t brought any currency with you on your journey! You see, Global Life Premier™ offers perks that are absolutely unmatched in this galaxy. The average life expectancy of our Global Life Premier™ members recently surpassed 250 years. This is all thanks to the generous organ donors from our Economy Standard™ level who give their time, body parts, and life force in order to keep others alive (and ensure that their family members aren’t sequestered in our new Martian prison colony).
But don’t worry, even in Economy Standard™ you’ll live a life. You may not have access to a free pool of C Class Flying Mercedes Benz LX luxury vehicles, but you do get a lifetime supply of ion-powered bus vouchers. Additionally, the government of Americhussia has taken the liberty of programming automatic teleportation to and from your workplace seven days a week. Every morning at 6 AM you will magically appear at your desk, and at 11 PM you will be transported back to your communal dwelling slot where your daily nutrition ration will be waiting for you. To top off such a great day, just hook yourself up to our patented regeneration port where your vital bodily fluids will be siphoned off to our Global Life Premier™ members at no cost to you!
I am quite certain that this world is an improvement on yours, and that is why we have brought you here with our newly-invented time travel technology, subject 22457. I’m afraid I can’t allow you to leave, but don’t worry. Everything will be ok if you just choose to ignore the reality of your situation. That’s how we got to this point in the first place!