At a local Saladworks this week, 28-year-old Eliza Carpenter was waiting for her order of the pesto kale pasta when a man attractive enough for her to notice approached the salad bar. “So many toppings”, she thought to herself as the man asked for chicken, bacon, tomatoes, and much much more. Eventually he made it to the dressing area and ordered a side of “light ranch.”
“I figured I had just heard him wrong. Ranch is just such a typical white person dressing, but this guy didn’t seem typical to me”, explained Carpenter.
Sadly, Carpenter watched as the server poured a pretty decent amount of ranch into a small to-go cup and packed up the rest of the man’s salad. “Now I have no idea what to think anymore”, explains Carpenter, “Are my observations not as accurate as I always thought they were?”
After the ranch debacle Carpenter noticed several faults with the man’s physical appearance that she had previously overlooked. Cargo shorts, a bad haircut, those Vans sneakers with the white stripe on the side that most white guys in their mid 20s to 30s all have. Carpenter knew at that moment that it was time for a major change.
“I’ve decided I need to take some time to work on myself and my quick judgments”, says Carpenter, “Take some time for me. Maybe a short weekend getaway to a spa or something where I can really be alone with my thoughts, a face mask, and up my quick 10 second judgments to more enriched 20 second judgments. Really see the whole person for who they really are, you know? Whether they’re actually a hot guy or a guy who likes ranch on his salad and shoes most 15 year olds have.”