You Know That Song, “Sweet but Psycho,” That’s Me

There’s this awesome new pop song called “Sweet but Psycho,” and it has the most relatable lyrics ever! That is exactly how I would describe myself. Ava Max took the words right out of my mouth. Like, sure, I’m a nice and all, but sometimes, I just act like such a weird person. I prefer weird people. I like to keep it weird. Like on my birthday, for example, I always get so sassy. This year I got really drunk at the bar, and then in the middle of the dance floor, I just started belting out songs from Hamilton, for no reason. Sometimes, I even do that when I’m hiking, and all the German Shepherds on the trail look up at me and are like, “who’s this weirdo?” Lol. 

Another quirk about me is that I have an old soul. Sometimes, I’ll fall asleep watching HGTV at 8:00 PM on a Saturday night, and I’m like “oh my god, Brittany,” (that’s my name) “you’re such a grandma!” The other day, I went on a date with this guy who wanted to go to a club after we had already had two mojitos at the bar…he’s 24 and I’m 28…I was like, oh my God, can’t we just go home and Postmates? I literally need snacks around me at all times! 

That reminds me of the time my friend Sarah ordered all this takeout from Chipotle, and we put on these full facemasks, you know, the ones that make you look like a ghost but also clean your pores…“Sweet but Psycho” came on Sarah’s “Indoor Dance Party” playlist on Spotify, and I just started dancing in my bathrobe and facemask like an idiot, and Sarah filmed the whole thing. It was so funny. I was like, wow, if any guy sees this, he’s going to think we’re sooo crazy. Lol. It was really embarrassing but really fun. 

After that, Sarah and I had a Star Wars marathon all night. God, I love Star Wars. I bought this Darth Vader bodysuit off Etsy, and sometimes I’ll just wear it for fun when I go out, even though that’s so nerdy. Meanwhile, all the other girls are wearing stilettos and hairspray, and I’m just chilling like a villain in tennis shoes. Omg, I sound like such a tomboy. Lol. No wonder I have so much trouble with guys…last year, I liked this guy so much that I stalked his ex-girlfriend on LinkedIn, like, once a week. Who does that?! 

Okay, it sounds really strange, but sometimes I think I do those things, because I want to self-sabotage. It’s part of being an empath, like you feel too much for the other person so you obsess over them and torture yourself. My friend told me I’m attracted to “projects,” and I was like, woah, that’s a really good way of putting it. I’ve never thought about that before, like you want to “fix” them. But also, maybe I haven’t met “the one,” because I’m just so socially awkward. Seriously, every time I saw my crush, I’d just trip for no reason, because I’m such a klutz. Literally. It’s as if a director was queuing me, “okay, Brittany, do something humiliating and vulnerable, but still cute,” and I’d just lightly trip over my shoelaces but never face-plant, thank God. 

I’ve honestly never met anyone else like me. Sometimes, I’m like, real talk, who is going to marry me? I’m so strange! Lol. But then, I’m like, wait, lots of guys like crazy girls. And when I say crazy, I don’t mean clinically deranged. I mean like binge-watching, burrito-eating, social media-stalking crazy…you know like those white women in movies who can’t get their shit together, but it’s funny and palatable to watch, because it’s tempered by their ostensible markers of Western rebellion like sexual promiscuity, purple hair, pierced nipples, and manic-pixie-dream girl nature? I’m like that…you know, sweet, but a little bit psycho 😉 

Tagged with: