Thoughts I Have About My Dog Every Single Day

I am keeping this thing alive! I’m a genius! I should be given some sort of humanitarian prize!

If he poops on the carpet one more time, I swear I will…stop myself from screaming at him because it’s been too long and he won’t have any idea why I’m yelling.

His favorite song is definitely “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye. That’s just a fact.

Look at that fucking face. It’s a perfect fucking face on a perfect fucking creature and I love it so fucking much.

Wow, his breath is horrible. In fact, he smells kind of gross all over.

He needs a bath.

I’ve been saying he needs a bath every day for months. I should just give him a bath.

I could stare at his ears forever. They are evolutionary miracles and also, they are so soft.

Pretty sure I have consumed enough dog hair in my lifetime to poop out a whole new dog.

If I gave him a bath, maybe he wouldn’t shed so much and I wouldn’t eat so much of his hair.

Oh well.

It’s just incredible that I feed him, and he knows me, and he trusts me. I exist for him and I am so proud and overwhelmed and filled with wonder at this life for which I am responsible.

Maybe this is what it will be like to have a kid.
But you can’t leave a baby alone in a crate for hours. Actually, you probably shouldn’t put a baby in a crate at all. Good thing I only have a dog.
A perfect, disgusting dog.

Who really needs a bath.
I wonder who he’d vote for. He’s probably a Buttigieg guy.

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