Attention passengers – we are experiencing delays of up to fifteen minutes due to the fact that your conductor Bob had a burrito for lunch and is still on the toilet. We have no contingency plan for this and apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you for choosing the MBTA.
Greetings paying customers – trains are delayed up to one hour because we know today is the one day you hit snooze too many times and we want to teach you the valuable lesson that if you don’t build an inordinate amount of extra time into your morning commute, you will be late. Thanks for choosing the only mode of public transportation available to you.
Howdy train denizens! We’re going to be stopped here for a while because our train is super on fire. I honestly don’t know how many of us will make it out alive. Thank you for your patience.
Salutations faceless cattle who can’t afford cars – buses and trains are temporarily halted due to a mechanical problem. A beautiful monarch butterfly gracefully perched briefly on one of our tracks, sending the most infinitesimal of ripples into our network. This has caused our signaling system to collapse. Meanwhile, we have also raised fares another 10%. Thank you for once again remembering that you are helpless against our whims.
Hello citizens we don’t care about! Your train is never coming. After decades of local and state politicians passing the buck and refusing to commit the funds necessary to fix a hopelessly outdated infrastructure, everything has fallen into disrepair. Good luck!
Friends, commuters, countrypeople! Your train will now be on time because we have overthrown the municipal tyrants that used to run this system. Viva la revolution!