Fine Dining Menu: CACOPHONY


 “We put the DIN in Dinner” 

Welcome to New York’s hippest new eatery, Cacophony. Following the gastronomic philosophy that food tastes best when you’re enveloped in terror, we’ve taken painstaking steps in our building’s acoustics to decrease sound absorption and increase true foodie delights: metal clanging, human shrieking, and a sound system that goes no quieter than that bass-level that makes you shit your pants. We want your dining experience to be elegant and tasteful, like being pushed down a flight of rusty metal steps while trapped inside an industrial-design sarcophagus. 

Did we mention our walls are made of metal and concrete? 

Bon appetite! 

Prix Fixe Menu – $75 (Choose 1 of each)


roasted almonds served tapas style 
comes with timpani drums to throw almonds against before eating

mini-avocado toasts 
served on large metal sheet to drop on floor

spring rolls 
contains tofu, novelty refrigerator magnet playing Everybody Dance Now

Soup or Salad

macrobiotic bisque
served with metal rake to drag on chalkboard

probiotic kale salad
delivered by a child practicing scales on broken trumpet


charcoal rubbed beets 
served on broken outfacing headphones* blasting a song you hate on repeat
*Beats by Dr. Dre (extra beets $5)

hand-rolled gnocci
with skateboard scraping against concrete

seared arugula with fennel
comes with one of those old-timey crank air raid sirens

deconstructed fajitas  
choice of tofu or locally sourced grain-fed chicken shriek-clucking into megaphone


earth-baked warm pear dusted with cinnamon and lit firecrackers

gluten-free brownie with cell phone playing a casino game with volume turned up (cannot be turned off or reduced)

Coffee or Tea

comes with choice of soy, almond, grass fed- cow’s milk, or man with smoker’s cough trying to prove he can yodel


“Major Tom” – Old-Fashioned on tap served by a screaming couple in the middle of a break-up

“Thunderstruck” – gin and tonic served alongside toddler having a night terror

“Long Island Iced Tea” – comes with complimentary ride to “Long Island” in a Monster Truck

(Please note: active Monster Truck will not leave restaurant)

Non-Alcoholic Cocktails

empty glasses thrown against a brick wall


Warning: Consuming raw or undercooked meats in Cacophony may increase your risk of panic attacks, dissociative episodes, and sound-induced horror flashbacks. 

Parties of 6 or more will be charged 8-15% hearing loss. 

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