Quiz: Are You My Dad?

1. How do you spend your leisure time? 

A. Playing catch with my four beautiful sons. 
B. I’m actually taking an improv class led by a friend of my wife’s at the local Jewish Community Center. It’s kind of challenging, but I think I have a knack for it. When I was asked to pick a natural relationship with my scene partner, I chose “homeowner and contractor.”
C. I’ve been hard at work penning the next great American play. I’d love to pass along my hard-won success and industry connections to my next of kin someday.  

2. What’s the first thought you have while driving past a cemetery? 

A. Yuck! Death!
B. If you wanted to calculate all of the dead people in this cemetery, how would you do it? Would you multiply the rows of tombstones by the columns? Just wondering. 
C. I think about how life is short, and how I should probably give my kids a bunch of money and property now because they need it more than I do. 

3. You’ve gotten into an accident and had to be airlifted to the hospital. What’s the subject line of the email you send to your worried kids letting them know you didn’t fracture any bones? 

A. Good News From The Hospital, Hope I Didn’t Worry You 
B. The Bone Zone  
C. Haven’t Broken Any Bones, But Here’s $1,000 Each Because I’m A Generous Man

4. What do you think of your daughter? 

A. I don’t have a daughter. 
B. I was a little disappointed to discover that she doesn’t have a nest fund. 
C. She’s brilliant and creative. I’m proud of everything she does, and I plan to give her the house in my will. 

5. Would you allow her to tweet something funny you said?  

A. What’s Twitter? I’m busy playing catch outside with my four beautiful sons.
B. I wish she wouldn’t. 
C. Absolutely. I realize that my life might appear comedic to other people and I’m happy to be the butt of the joke if it means bringing that joy to others. 

One or more A’s: You’re not my dad. 

One or more B’s: You’re definitely my dad.  

One of more C’s: Would you like to be my new dad?

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