I’m A Writer With Great Potential And I Want My Fingers Insured

Dear Underwriter,

By way of introduction, I’m a writer with great potential. Before anything else I’d like to get my fingers insured. I know of all the coffee shops in my city where I could possibly sit and write. I’ve the ability to write with or without listening to music. Though I’m a morning person, I believe I do have the capacity to write even at night. However, all this resourcefulness and dedication is secondary as I know that my fingers are the most important tools that I – a writer with great potential have. I’m sure you’d understand and appreciate how my fingers are my factory of storytelling and it’s only pragmatic to get them insured before I start writing anything creative.

I would also like to assure you that I won’t write a single word of creative writing unless my fingers are insured. You may be thinking who cares? Everyone should. There would be a tragic void in the world without my stories. Just because nobody would know about the void doesn’t mean it won’t exist. Just because the void can exist without anyone knowing doesn’t mean it should. I believe you would not want to deprive anyone (yourself included) of the magic of potentially phenomenal stories written by my fingers. Stories that only my fingers could write. Stories about not following your heart unless it’s safe and stories about taking calculated risks.

Obviously, no amount of money can do justice to the actual worth of my fingers. For they are priceless. However, I’m nothing if not a writer with great potential and reason. That’s why I think a 15 million dollar policy is most appropriate. As you and I both understand that it’s just a safety net against the fickle fingers of fate.

Let me explain the breakdown of this 15-million dollar policy: 5 million dollars for the fingers and thumb in my right hand (my prominent hand) and 10 million dollars for the fingers and thumb in my left hand. I’m not ambidextrous yet. However, a) when I type I do use both hands (it’s way faster, believe me) and b) god-forbid if anything happens to the fingers of my right-hand, I’m not going to stop writing. I’ll take the 5 million dollars and pick a pen in my left hand to keep writing exceptional stories. Stories about being right in not taking chances and stories about great pay-offs, eventually. The fingers of my left hand are like an oil-field yet to be discovered. That’s why the fingers of my left hand are worth way more than their counterparts.

Be assured, I’m not the type to point fingers. On the other hand, your support in the early stages of my glorious writing career full of accolades and success both critical and commercial won’t go unnoticed. I can’t promise but I may write a nostalgic story about it in one of my several published and well-received books of short stories in the future. Please be warned: I’ll have to change the specifics so don’t be surprised -I believe it’s a fairly common creative writing practice unless I write about it in one of my many tear-jerking, heart-rending memoirs.

I strongly believe that with my fingers insured for 15 million dollars I’ll be able to write splendid stories freely and more creatively. I wouldn’t have to worry about any writing-related injuries caused by repetitive motion or overexerting my fingers.

Looking forward to hear a positive response from you.

A writer with great potential and a future Nobel laureate (for literature), fingers crossed

Tagged with: