Yes, I know we’ve been hanging out non-stop and I did take you on that getaway to Paris, and we did share a passionate embrace on the Eiffel Tower–but that doesn’t mean we’re “dating” per se.
Mental Places to Travel When You Forget to Take Your Phone to the Bathroom
Never again get stuck on the pot with these mental travel destinations for any time you forget your phone on the charger.
Our Dystopian Future #5: We’re Verizon, and you’re only alive because we say so
One call you won’t hear on our cutting-edge network is the sound of us suddenly ordering your death.
Please Make Sure You Reserve Your Seat At Our Restaurant A Decade Before Our Opening Weekend If You Want A Seat Next Year
Do you have a reservation? Oh, you don’t?
JAWS: I Am Merely an Ocean Conservationist
As Mayor Vaughn said: “Amity means friendship.” I am a friend to all Amity’s sea creatures.
Alternate Uses For The Mountains of Tampons We Binged on Tax-Free Weekend
Sales tax holiday weekend came, and now we’re staring down a God damn Everest of tampons stockpiled in our living rooms.
Our Dystopian Future #4: Thanks for Paying Our Restaurant’s “Increase the Gap” Fee!
We know you have questions. The short answer is “trickle-down economics.”
Brave! This Woman Got a Haircut and Didn’t Post it on Facebook
“I just find it so moving that she’d make such a major life change as a new short haircut and not post about it. Maybe she should be a life coach or something?”
I Demand This Radio Request Line Play The McScrubber Brothers Carpet Cleaning Jingle
Come on, I just need you to play the jingle and then I can die!
A Reminder From Our Social Chair Regarding Poor Attendance At The Valentine’s Day Mixer With Beta Pi
It was an absolute, unequivocal, and utter disaster on par with the Hindenburg, the Titanic, and the ending of Inception, which I still do not understand.